I failed. Again. I was only 11 years old.
I believed I was lazy, useless and a failure.
Every year there seemed to be this pressure; An expectation that it was the “thing to do” at the start of each year; And it had to be something grand. This was a New YEAR – a huge event – a turning point. The resolution needed to represent on this same scale. Some of my goals were “Give up chocolate”, “Give up cake”, “Stop watching so much TV”, and into adulthood “only drink alcohol on the weekends”.
I failed every time. I was left feeling desperately low, demotivated and de-valued. I was a failure. This was not good for my social or mental health. What a waste of time.
It wasn’t my fault.
I started each new year by trying to either deprive myself of a little pleasure (taking away chocolate or alcohol) or force an unpleasant experience (cabbage soup anyone? I hate cabbage).
Thinking about it now – after many years of therapy, the idea of drawing a line in the sand to stop one behaviour and start another just because the calendar is re-setting feels empty and destined to fall by the wayside. And why do we seem to be drawn to the idea that a resolution needs to be restrictive in some way? Why can’t a resolution be nurturing? growing? evolving? celebrating?
Change can be a fantastic thing, and it doesn’t have to be painful.
I am a huge believer in constant evolution, when we need it, when we want it and when we will benefit from it. New Year’s doesn’t tick any of those boxes for me. If we are not the driver of our change, then we will never be in control of our progress. Change must start with ourselves.
This year, and into the future, I will:
- Set regular meaningful goals that will improve or enhance my social, mental and physical health.
- Back up my goals with plans made of small sustainable steps.
- Track (and modify if needed) my progress so I have a real sense of direction.
- Be realistic with the amount of time needed to turn these steps into habits and allow flexibility for the occurrence of uncontrollable events.
- Ask for help from friends, family and professionals when needed.
- Allow myself to veer off course if my goals become unrealistic or unhealthy.
Make changes for you, not the calendar.
